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THIS WEEK Annual Model Railway Exhibition: Make tracks in the summer sun


COMMUNITY BOBBY ON THE BAY LIFE BEAT: Artifice Burglary


LETTERS Mr Lobby and the 10 shilling train fare to Pevensey Bay

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The news that ‘the whities’ are to be sent home from Pevensey Bay has surprised and shocked the community—Bay Life. 1 April 2018

Cheddar Man talks to Bay Life about shock decision that has turned the tables in Bay Side Diner in village

Cheddar Man, looking strangely similar to his forefather from 30 generations ago, talked about his time in Pevensey Bay to Bay Life on the day news broke that ‘the whities ‘are to be sent home from the village.

Speaking from his coal hole cave in Collier’s’ Road in the Bay, he opened up about his concerns.

‘Look’, he said ‘ever since I have been here and moved into my cave, things have gone downhill’. He set his words in context by suggesting, ‘look, do not get me wrong, some of best friends are whities, but I am afraid ever since we discovered that the first Britons were black, to be honest, it has turned the whole question on the head’.

‘Please do not get me wrong’, he addded, ‘but since I have been here, we have had nothing but the caves taken over by whities’.

Exploring this analysis further he said, ‘do they not have their own country? I mean why do they have to come over here to work?’.

Taking an example, he said, ‘look if you want a full English breakfast, the clue is in the word, a full English’.

‘I was in a local cave cafe the other day, and do you know what? The woman who served me, bloody whitey. the women who cooked the breakfast, bloody whitey, even the owner, bloody whitey’.

Emphasisng his point he said, ‘and another thing, I will tell you what they do, they only talk in their own bloody language when you are with them, and that is just plain bloody rude that is’.

The question about ‘the whities’ taking over Pevensey Bay is reaching a tipping point.

A party has been formed to push the cause of ‘whities go home’ by a local group aiming to take their cause to the people of Pevensey Bay, titled UKIP, standing for United Kippers Independent Pevensey” they plan to take their cause to the doorstep in Pevensey Bay.

A ceremony to join the group sees them with a special meeting held on the bridge in Sovereign Harbour when they slap each other with kippers, with eventually the head kipper smacking each member over the head with a great big kipper as they fall into the water.

‘You see that castle’, one of them said ‘that will be a bloody whitie castle this time next year, you wait and see’.

The clash the whities have caused since they came to Pevensey Bay was summed up for Cheddar Man when he heard the story of a new couple who had moved into the Bay, invited by the next door couple to dinner. ‘Welcome to the Bay’, they said, ‘lovely place, the only thing to watch is that the whities are taking over’.

Simon Montgomery, editor of Bay Life commented, ‘I am as shocked as everyone else when I saw this news, but to be honest I am always cautious at this time of the year about what I see both online and in print’.